Los Pollos Hermanos
by ImaginaryLondoner
Summary: AU crack where Gus's only job is to run the best chicken restaurant in New Mexico, Jesse is a talented chicken chef with big dreams, Walter wants to destroy Gus's business so he can open his own chicken restaurant, and Mike gives the best hugs.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

Gustavo Fring was the proud owner of Los Pollos Hermanos, the best fast food chain in New Mexico. The were fourteen different restaurants located throughout the state, and he cherished them as if they were his own sons. Well, there was one near the border of Texas that wasn't as successful as the others, so that one was more like a bastard daughter. However, his thirteen other locations more than compensated for his one and only business failure.

His fried chicken was known throughout all of New Mexico, except for that one weird area near Texas where people did not appreciate fine cooking. In fact, his restaurant in Santa Fe was patronized by George R.R. Martin so often that Gustavo received death threats from fanboys who feared his fried chicken would cause Martin to die of a heart attack before finishing his fantasy series. Gustavo responded to these threats by adding a healthier meal to his menu, chicken-flavored tofu nuggets, and naming it after the illustrious author. Soon fanboys from all over the country were flocking to Los Pollos Hermanos to get the famous Martin nuggets, which came in the shape of wolves and severed heads. While the tofu nuggets were surprisingly delicious, they could not compare the meal that made Gustavo Fring the most important man in New Mexico.

Mr. Fring, known as Gus to his close friends and associates, had dedicated his life to creating the perfect recipe of fried chicken. All those who dined at his establishment would agree that he had succeeded. Gus himself was almost as popular as his chicken. When he wasn't at one of his restaurants he was attending social functions or banquets. He also invented a "buy one, give one" program where he would donate one chicken nugget to children in third world countries for every chicken nugget purchased in a kid's meal.

Gus was not only a good man to his community, he was a kind and just employer. If his employees had trouble learning English, he bought them Rosetta Stone so they could learn. If they could not use Rosetta Stone because they did not own a computer, Gus bought them a Macbook Pro. If they did not understand how to use a Mac because they were more familiar with PC, Gus would show them how to use their new Mac because he loathed PC.

Gus's best friend Mike was the security guard at the flagship restaurant in Albuquerque. Gus took security very seriously, even if some people found it unnecessary to have a guard at a fast food place. Mike would greet guests with a smile and a hug, while Gus would wander around and ask customers if everything was to their satisfaction. They had been friends since childhood, and it gave Gus great joy to see Mike's kind face every morning.

The head chef, Jesse Pinkman, worked at Los Pollos Hermanos to help pay for graduate school so he could be a social worker. He loved working with people and helping those less fortunate them him. Gus supported Jesse in everything he did, he wanted to help the young man achieve his dream. He liked to think that he saw things in people, and he saw great potential in Jesse. He had even come to consider him the son he would never have.

Gus would never have any biological children of his own because he never had a girlfriend, and never would. His life was so busy, he did not have time for romance. He was too focused on making the best chicken in the world.

But Gus had a dark secret...he was addicted to tentacle porn.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Early one morning, Gus heard a knock on the door to Los Pollos Hermanos. This was strange, because no one needed to knock to enter the fast food restaurant. Curious, Gus went to the door to let the confused customer in. When he opened it, he found a very intimidating middle-aged man staring at him. The man was bald with a goatee and he looked like he needed a hug.

"Welcome," Gus greeted, holding the door open for him to enter. "My name is Gus. I am the owner of this establishment. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you."

The bald man continued to give Gus an intimidating stare, but Gus was not intimidated. Gus could not be intimated by even the most intimidating intimidator. His friendly smile did not fade from his very attractive face as the grouchy bald man stepped into his restaurant.

Baldy walked up to the register to buy a meal. "I like my meat dark, like my women," he told the woman taking his order. This was especially awkward because the lady employee was dark-skinned.

"Your name, sir?" she asked nervously.

"Walter White," he growled.

Walter took a seat in one of the booths, sipping from a large soda. In New York City, Mayor Bloomberg had banned such large sodas. Gus wanted to cut such unhealthy options out of his menu, but doing that might result in the loss of important customers like George R.R. Martin. George loved to get an extra-large soda and fill it with a mix of Dr. Pepper, lemonade, and iced tea.

Gus personally brought this odd man his chicken, then left him with his meal. He watched from across the restaurant as Walter took a bite into his fried chicken. The man's face lit up with joy as he sunk his teeth into the tender, juicy thigh. This was by far the best chicken he had ever tasted! He had no idea chicken could even be so good. This was better than food at a fancy restaurant, not that Walter could afford to eat at a fancy restaurant.

"Hey, you," Walter beckoned Gus over. Gus happily approached the man, expecting to hear him sing praises for his chicken.

"This is pretty good," Walter said, understating the chicken's greatness. "What's your recipe?"

"I am pleased you enjoy our chicken. Our meat comes from the best chicken farms in New Mexico, and we use the best spices in our breading to give it that perfect flavor," Gus grinned, repeated the same thing he always told people.

"No, I mean what is your exact recipe? I want it."

"I'm sorry, I don't understand what you mean."

"I want to make this chicken. Give me the recipe."

Gus was taken aback by this man's insolence. "I'm sorry, I am not at liberty to divulge that information."

After a tense moment of silence that lasted approximately one minute and twenty seconds, Walter said, "I'd like to speak to your cook."

Gus's smile had disappeared from his face. "My cook is busy. If you would like to make a complaint, I will gladly refer you to our website."

Walter took another bite of chicken, stood up, and walked towards the kitchen. Mike stopped him, putting his hand firmly on the man's shoulder. Walter looked up at him, trying to shoot lasers out of his eyes. Unfortunately all he could manage was a threatening glare.

"Let me speak to the cook," he hissed.

"I think it's time for you to leave, sir," Mike said. "If you would like a to-go bag for your chicken, I'd be happy to get one for you."

Before Walter could be removed from the premises, Jesse the chicken chef came out of the kitchen to see what was going on. His small brain nearly exploded with happiness when he saw Walter White standing before him.

"Hi, Mr. White! Gosh, it's great to see you!" Jesse greeted Walter excitedly.

"Jesse?" Walter did not return Jesse's enthusiasm.

"You know each other?" Gus asked, surprised.

"Mr. White was my favorite teacher in high school!" Jesse exclaimed.

"He was one of my worst students," Walter said.

"I wasn't too good at science, but Mr. White sure helped me a lot. I would stay after class and he would hit me with a ruler until I memorized the periodic table of elements," Jesse reminisced.

"I didn't think you would amount to much, but I never pictured you working at a fast food restaurant," Walter said.

Gus was terribly offended by that comment. This was no mere _fast food restaurant_, this was Los Pollos Hermanos, winner of every chicken award in existence. And Jesse was not just some kid flipping burgers, he was the most brilliant chicken chef Gus had ever known. This bald man could not simply invade Gus's territory and insult his employees. Gus clenched his fist and teeth and asshole, imagining what a nugget made of ground Walter White meat would taste like.

"I'm going to night school now. You inspired me to get an education and use my talents to help other people," Jesse told him.

"You don't have any talents," said Walter. "Except you do make excellent chicken."

"Golly, thanks! I'm so glad you like it!" Jesse cheered. "Well, I need to get back to work! It was nice seeing you, Mr. White!"

"Excuse me," Gus said to Walter. "I do not appreciate the insulting comments you made toward my business and my employee. Here at Los Pollos Hermanos, we are like a family. Please apologize, of I am afraid you will not be welcome back at this establishment."

"No," Walter refused. "You shouldn't have people like Jesse working for you. He is a loser who barely graduated from high school."

"Do you think you could be a better chef?" Gus asked, trying to contain his anger.

"Yes," Walter said with certainty. "My chicken would be the best in the world. You should hire me to replace that kid. Together, we could become to biggest fast food chain in the world."

Gus was not interested in working with such an arrogant man. He held the door open for Walter, refusing to dignify his ridiculous offer with a response. Walter walked out, but Gus feared that this was far from over.

He wiped sweat from his brow using his sleeve. He immediately regretted this action, as he felt very uncomfortable wearing clothes that were stained with bodily fluid.

"I'm going to take the rest of the day off," Gus told Mike. He had to go home and relieve his stress by watching tentacle porn.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

That evening, when Gus was at home dreaming of hunting chicken and mutant squids in the jungles of East Asia, Walter returned to Los Pollos Hermanos. He did not handle rejection well. If he could not take Jesse's job, then he would take Jesse. He would start his own chicken restaurant that would put Los Pollos Hermanos out of business.

He snuck in through the back to avoid being seen by Mike and other customers. He knocked on the kitchen window, trying to get Jesse's attention, but the young cook could not hear him over his loud Backstreet Boys music. Determined to get in, Walt charged at the window, hoping to shatter it with his hard cranium. He growled as he successfully smashed through the glass.

Jesse jumped, frightened by the sight of his teacher's bloody bald head poking through the broken window. He immediately abandoned the chicken he was cooking to help his old mentor.

"Sir, are you alright?" Jesse asked Walt.

"Jesse, I need to talk to you."

"You have a shard of glass in your forehead."

"Let me into the kitchen."

"But Gus said you can't come into his restaurant anymore. You're bleeding, I think you should go to the hospital."

"No. If you won't let me in, I'll just talk to you from right here."

"I would love to talk, but I'm working. I have to make chicken for the hungry customers."

"Forget the chicken and the fat customers! You could do so much better than Los Pollos Hermanos."

"I love Los Pollos Hermanos! I love my job, I love Gus, and I love the chicken." Jesse was so full of love that he shit rainbows.

"If you left this place to work for me, you could make millions of dollars. Your chicken would be even better than what you make now."

"Hey, Gus's chicken is the best! It's the cat's pajama's! It's the bee's knees!" Jesse tried to think of other ways to describe how great the chicken was, but he wasn't that creative. He had been even worse at English than he was at chemistry.

"But you are the one who cooks it. It's not Gus's chicken, it's your chicken."

"I couldn't do it without Gus's help. He invented the recipe. That man is like a father to me, I wouldn't be where I am if it wasn't for him."

"I can make you even better. You wouldn't just be my cook, you'd be my partner."

Jesse thought about this. He loved Gus, but Walter was his hero. He wasn't sure who to trust. He wanted to work with Walter, but he didn't want to betray his current boss. As Jesse considered his future, another employee entered the kitchen.

"Where are those chicken combos? The customers are getting impatient!" the employee yelled.

Jesse stepped in front of Walt's head so he could not be seen. "They're coming right up!" Jesse lied for the first time in his life.

When the employee left, he returned to cooking his chicken.

"If you join me, you won't be bothered by customers or co-workers. We could open a five-star restaurant, where you get the respect that you deserve," Walter said, tempting and confusing the young chef.

Jesse had been so happy to see his old teacher, but now he wished that he had never come back into his life. Everything had been so simple before, and now he had to choose between his career as a chicken chef and his relationship with Gus. He wouldn't even need to continue grad school if he could work with Walter, because he would actually be a part of the business. His dream was to be a social worker, but there was more money in chicken.

"I will have to think about it," Jesse told Walt.

"Fine. I'll be back tomorrow. I expect you to give me an answer then." Walt carefully pulled his head out of the window and brushed off the pieces of glass.

Jesse sighed, wondering how he would explain the window to Gus.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

As the sun rose, Gus was snuggled up in bed with his teddy bear. He had that teddy bear since he was a child. It was so old and worn out that half of its face was gone, but Gus still loved it. He had never given it a name, but sometimes he would call it Jesse when he unknowingly talked to it in his sleep.

Gus was a heavy sleeper. He had slept through storms and earthquakes and alien invasions. So when Walter White snuck into his house that morning, he did not stir. The first thing Walt did was unplug Gus's alarm clock, so he would be late for work. Then he went on Gus's computer to find his secret recipe. Unfortunately for Walt, Gus's computer required a password. Walt tried entering chicken and several different combinations of numbers, hoping to crack the code, but none worked. He would have stayed and tried every possible number combination possible, but he had to get to Los Pollos Hermanos. If Jesse joined him, he could get the secret recipe from him. Then it wouldn't matter what Gus had on his computer.

Before leaving, Walter took a look at Gus's calendar. His days were booked up with community events and fundraisers. Walter snarled when he saw the word "community" because he hated people. When he was the owner of a successful restaurant he certainly would not give his hard earned money away to support a stupid cause. He did not give a fuck about cancer research or saving the environment.

When he arrived at Los Pollos Hermanos, he found that Jesse had temporarily solved the problem of the broken window by taping a Backstreet Boys poster over it. This time he did not care if Jesse would not help him break in. He crawled through the window, ignoring the pain of the shattered glass cutting his skin. Blood dripped from his wounds as he stood before a horrified Jesse.

"Sir, I'll get you a band-aid. Do you want Hello Kitty or Toy Story?"

"I don't need a band-aid. I need you to come with me."

"I want to work with you, I really do. But I can't leave Gus."

This made Walter angry. If he couldn't have Jesse, he would never be able to make chicken that could defeat Gus's chicken. "Fuck Gus and fuck his chicken!" he spat.  
Jesse gasped at Walter's language. "Sir, please don't say things like that about Mr. Gus."

"Your naive sense of loyalty to your boss is pathetic. Gus doesn't need you. He would probably be happy if you left. He doesn't actually care about anyone, he only pretends to be nice so people will buy his chicken. He will replace you with another chef and forget about you."

"No, that can't be true!"

"Do you think you're special to him? He has tons of other chefs at his other restaurants, you're only as good as the chicken you cook. Yesterday he told me that he would fire you without hesitation if a better chef applied for the position. He even asked me if I wanted to take your job, but I refused."

"But Gus helped me with my homework. I thought he was my friend."

"Gus doesn't have friends. All he cares about is business. He is using you."

Jesse broke down and cried for ten minutes straight. He didn't want to believe what Walter said, but he knew his old teacher would never lie to him. He wiped his eyes and looked up at the bald man. "If I go with you, will you be my friend?"

"Yes. I certainly don't want to use you so I can open a restaurant that will make me rich and put Gus out of business. I want to work with you because I like you," Walter lied.

"Thanks, I like you too," Jesse smiled, already starting to feel better.

"So what's Gus's recipe?" Walter asked.

"I don't know it," Jesse said.

"What do you mean you don't know it? You made that chicken every day!"

"I don't have a good memory. Don't worry though, I have the recipe right here. Gus wrote it down for me," Jesse said as he turned to the cooking station. The recipe was taped up above the frier. Jesse reached up and took it down, but in his clumsiness he dropped it into the boiling oil. Walter reached in to grab it, but it was too late. The paper was ruined, and so was Walter's left hand.

"Do you need a band-aid?" Jesse asked, cringing at the sight of Walt's severely burned skin.

"No," Walter hissed. He pretended that he was immune to pain, but he was secretly in agony. He would probably have to lose that hand, a he had forever lost Gus's recipe. He considered killing Jesse in his anger, but decided that he could still make use of the boy. "Jesse, come with me. We have a scheme to plan."

Jesse nodded and opened the back door. He had forgotten the existence of that door until that moment. Walter grumbled, wishing that Jesse could have just let him in that way so he wouldn't have had to cut himself on the window. He snarled and glared at the idiot boy as he walked out, leaving a trail of blood behind him.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Gus woke up in the middle of the afternoon, gasping for air. He had a nightmare about George R.R. Martin going insane and blowing up his restaurants. All of his customers and employees had been killed in the act of violence. Gus stood outside as Los Pollos Hermanos was reduced to ashes.

He was relieved for a moment when he realized that he had only been dreaming. Then he looked at the clock. He was late for work! His alarm should have gone off hours ago. He had never accidentally turned off his alarm to allow himself ten more minutes of sleep. He knew that if he slept in, he would be a disappointment to the people who depended on him. The thought of his employees wondering where he was filled him with shame. He had never been so ashamed of himself. The only thing more shameful than being late to work would be if his addiction to tentacle porn was revealed to the public.

Gus was under so much stress that he forgot that he had a car, so he ran to Los Pollos Hermanos. He ran so fast that he arrived there in under three seconds. When he got there, he noticed that there were no customers. That was very strange, usually noon was their busiest time. He turned to Mike, utterly lost. Mike gave him a solemn look and shook his head. Gus could not bring himself to ask what had happened. Mike looked like his was about to cry, and Gus did not want to send him over the edge. He ventured into the kitchen to discover what the problem was.

Gus could not have prepared himself for what he would find there. Jesse was gone. He knew something terrible must have happened to drive all the customers away, but he never thought that his dear Jesse could be the cause of such a disaster. He hoped that there was only a problem with the oven that created a halt in production, because that was something that could be easily fixed. Losing Jesse, who was more like a son than an employee to him, left Gus with a wound that would never heal. The loss was more painful than being fried in boiling oil.

Once Gus had sufficient control over himself, he noticed that Jesse had left a note beside the frier. The handwriting was terrible and the paper was stained with tears. As Gus read, his hand began to shake and his vision blurred. He hoped that Jesse might have simply slept in, or had a family emergency, or had been in a car accident, or had been abducted by aliens, but the letter proved that that was not the case. Jesse had abandoned him.

The letter read:

_Dear Gus,_

_I have desided to work for Mr. White. It was a hard desision but I think it is best for both of us. I am not worthy of your chicken. You can find someone better than me. Mr. White will help me become a better chef. I will always love you even if you never really loved me._

_Sincerly,_

_Jesse_

Gus crumpled up the letter in his hand and threw it into the boiling oil. Walter White had stolen his best chicken chef. Sure, he could get another cook from one of his other restaurants to replace him, but it would not be the same. He needed Jesse in order to bring in big business. His recipe was genius, but no one could make it like Jesse could. That boy was Gus's last connection to humanity. Without him, he would descend into a world of excess and tentacle porn addiction.

Gus crawled into the cabinet under the sink and cried. Mike found him an hour later and gave him a hug, but that could not fill the emptiness in his heart.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The next day, Walter had come up with a plan. He met Jesse behind a tattoo parlor and presented him with a stack of papers. Most of the papers just had doodles of fried chicken and drops of drool on them, because Walter had spent most of the previous day fantasizing about Gus's chicken. The last few papers actually had stuff written on them. Jesse looked at it and nodded, though he could not comprehend Walter's illegible handwriting.

"Do you understand the plan?" Walter asked Jesse.

"What plan?" Jesse tilted his head to the side like a confused puppy.

Walter rolled his eyes."Jesse, I am going to tell you what we are going to do in order to get Gus's chicken recipe. I need you to listen carefully."

"I'm listening, boss."

"Tonight, we are going to break into Gus's house, while he is at a "Save the Pandas" fundraiser in Santa Fe. We are going to hack onto Gus's computer to get his recipe. Then we need to–"

A butterfly flew by, and Jesse chased after it. Walter smacked him to get his attention.

"Sorry, what were you saying?" Jesse asked.

"We need to burn down Gus's house," Walter told Jesse.

"What? Why?"

"After we steal the recipe, we will burn Gus's house to destroy the evidence that we were there."

"Isn't that extreme?"  
"No. It's necessary. Are you willing to do what is necessary?"  
"Yes, I will do whatever you tell me to do. You are the leader."

"Good. I'll meet you outside of Gus's house at sundown."

"Ok. Hey, since we are by a tattoo parlor, I want to get a tattoo of a butterfly on my neck."  
"Right now? Why?"

"Butterflies are pretty. You should get a tattoo with me, to commemorate our partnership."

Walter had secretly thought about getting a flaming Beedrill on his back, because Beedrill was his favorite Pokemon and fire was cool, but his wife would never approve of it. But he was a new man now, a man who would soon start his own business and become a billionaire. He could do whatever he wanted to do, regardless of what his wife thought.

"Ok. Let's get tattoos," Walter nodded.

That night, Walter and Jesse met up outside of Gus's house. Jesse had been there before when Gus invited him over for dinner, when he thought that Gus was his friend. It felt strange to go there now as an enemy. It also felt strange having a Beedrill tattoo on his neck.

The tattoo artist had mixed up Walt and Jesse's tattoos, so now Walter had a pink butterfly on his back and Jesse had a flaming Beedrill. Jesse was horrified when he saw it, but he lied and told the tattoo artist that he liked it because he didn't want to hurt the guy's feelings. Beedrill had always frightened him, whenever he had encountered one in his old Pokemon game he would always throw his gameboy down and hide under his bed. Then he would remember that monsters lived under his bed, so he would climb up onto his bed and hide under his covers.

Walter had been furious when he saw his butterfly tattoo. He ordered the artist to go over it with black ink, so he just had a large black smug on his back. Walt paid the incompetent tattoo artist by tearing off his rotting burned hand, which had only been hanging on to his wrist by a thread, and throwing it in the disgusted artist's face.

Walter may have been short one hand, but he had never been more confident. He was ready to break into Gus's house and steal that recipe. He had borrowed his son's old ninja kit, so he and Jesse were both wearing ninja masks. Jesse really wanted to take his child-sized mask off, as it was suffocating his adult-sized face, but he did not want to anger Walter. The crime needed to be perfect, and no crime could be perfect without ninja masks. However, there was one thing that Jesse was worried about

"Maybe we should knock first, just in case Gus is home?" Jesse suggested. It was possible that Gus might have decided not to go to the Panda fundraiser, and that would ruin their plan. They could not break in unless they were absolutely sure Gus was not home. If Jesse knocked and Gus came to the door, Jesse would make up some story and then they would try again another night. The boy was about to pound on the ornate wooden door when Walter stopped him, grabbing Jesse's wrist with his cold fingers.

"I am the one who knocks," said Walter.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Walt knocked on the door and waited, holding his breath. After waiting for nearly ten minutes, Walt gasped for air and decided that Gus could was definitely not home. He picked the lock and let Jesse and himself in. They scurried straight up to Gus's bedroom to get onto the computer.

"Do you know Gus's password?" Walt asked Jesse.

Jesse did not answer, because he was too busy looking at all the pictures of kittens that Gus had hanging on his wall. Walt snarled and began entering different possible passwords, but none of them worked. He got frustrated and tried to pull his hair out, but then he remembered that he did not have hair, so he pulled Jesse's hair out instead.

"What's wrong?" Jesse wondered, feeling his new bald spot.

"I can't figure out Gus's password," he grumbled, glaring at Jesse's stupid innocent face. He couldn't understand why Gus had been so fond of that idiot boy...

Suddenly, Walt realized what Gus's password was. He typed the five letters in with his one hand and clicked enter. Walt grinned as he saw Gus's desktop appear on the screen.

"Did you get it? What was it?" Jesse asked. Walt could not tell him that the password was his name, because that would reveal the truth about Gus's feelings for him. If Jesse realized that Gus really did care for him, Walt would no longer be able to control him. The thought of losing Jesse made him anxious. The anxiety made him feel the need to pee. He suddenly stood up and ran to find a bathroom.

Jesse didn't know why his boss decided to disappear without explaining where he was going. He began to get anxious that Walt would not come back for him, and that made him need to pee. He would have gone to the bathroom, but he didn't want to leave the room in case Walt came back while he was gone. So he wet himself. He was very ashamed, flashing back to the time he peed his pants at his high school prom. His mom, who was also his date, yelled at him for ruining his rented tuxedo. Jesse began to cry, fearing that Walt would never return for him.

After a few minutes, Jesse got tired of crying and just felt bored. He sat down at the desk and got on the computer, hoping that Gus had some fun games he could play. He randomly clicked on one of the files. A terrifying image appeared on the screen. Jesse screamed.

Walt, who was had just finished taking a piss, heard Jesse's cry. He ran out of the bathroom without zipping up his pants or washing his hand. However, before he made it halfway back to the bedroom, he realized he didn't care that much about Jesse and whatever danger he was in, so he went back into the bathroom to finish his business. By the time he got to the bedroom, Jesse's face had frozen in an expression of shock and horror.

"Oh my gosh, what is this?" the boy cried as he pointed at the computer screen.

Jesse had found tentacle porn on Gus's computer. He had never seen porn of any kind before, so he did not understand what he was looking at. He could not imagine why Gus would have something like this on his computer. Walt was about to tell Jesse to shut up and start looking for the recipe, but he was interrupted.

"Oh no, is Gus planning to take over the world with tentacle monsters?" Jesse asked.

Walter knew that this was not evidence of a diabolical scheme. He had caught Walter Jr. looking at tentacle porn before, so he was familiar with the genre. Instead of telling Jesse the truth, Walter decided to take advantage of the situation.

"Yes, Jesse, that is exactly what this is. Gus must have ordered tentacle monsters from a Japanese company that is somehow associated with Los Pollos Hermanos," Walt said with an evil grin.

"What are we going to do?"

"We have to kill Gus."

Jesse looked at Walter with wide eyes, full of shock and fear and confusion and many other emotions. If his old boss wanted to take over the world, he had to be stopped. Jesse and Walt were the only ones who knew of the evil plot, so they had a duty to do something about it. Yet Jesse could not bear the idea of killing Gus, even if he was secretly a criminal mastermind. He started to cry again, until there was no water left in his body. He dried up and turned into a raisin.

Walter was hungry, so he ate the raisin.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

After swallowing the raisin what had once been Jesse Pinkman, Walt realized that he was totally fucked. He had just eaten the world's best chicken chef and he still didn't have Gus's secret recipe. He searched through Gus's files, hoping that he could figure out how to make the chicken without Jesse's help. Alas, he could not find the secret recipe anywhere on Gus's computer. He had opened every file, even the fantasy novel that Gus had apparently been working on for seven years. Overwhelmed with feelings of failure and sadness, Walter began to cry. A moment later he stopped when he remembered what had happened to Jesse, fearing that he too would turn into a dried fruit. So instead of crying, Walt expressed his emotion by punching though the computer screen.

Gus stood in the doorway and frowned as he watched Walter destroy his property. He had been home the whole time After Jesse had abandoned him, he fell into a deep depression. He could not make it out of the house to go to a stupid Panda fundraiser. He hated Pandas anyway. He spent his day hiding in the bathroom cabinet, sobbing and dreaming of a simpler time. He was rudely awakened by the sound of Walter peeing. He had followed Walter back to the bedroom, just catching the part when Jesse turned into a raisin and Walter ate him. Gus was so devastated, he did not know what to say. He decided to politely ask the intruder to leave, because he wanted nothing more than to be left alone in his state of grief.

"Excuse me," he coughed. "I don't know what you are doing in my house, but I would appreciate it if you would leave."

Walter, taken by surprise, whipped his head around so fast that he hurt his neck. He was not prepared to face Gus. If he had known there was a possibility that he would be caught, he would have brought a cyanide pill. No matter what, Gus would not take him alive.

Walt pulled a flask out of his coat pocket. He struggled to open it, since he only had one hand. Gus did not know what Walter intended to do with the contents of that flask, so he helped him with it. When they finally got it open, Walter doused Gus with Bacardi 151, which had an alcohol content of 75.5%. Walt then took out his lighter and lit Gus on fire, since the rum's high alcohol content made Gus especially flammable.

Walter ran to escape from the house while Gus burned, but the front door was now locked. He attempted to pick the lock, but there was no lock to pick. He panicked, forgetting that he was inside and all he needed to do was switch the lock to the right in order to open the door. He kicked at the door, but he was far from a karate master.

Gus walked down the stairs, glaring at the pathetic bald man as he straightened his tie. Half of his face had burned off, but he was still alive. He must have been immortal. Walt sunk to the floor in defeat. He looked up at Gus with terror in his eyes.

Gus put his hand over Walter White's forehead and used his super powers to make the chemistry teacher explode. Brains got all over Gus's nice clothes, but for once he did not care about his appearance. He searched through the guts that were now lying on his floor, hoping to find the raisin that was Jesse so he could give it a proper burial. By some miracle Gus managed to discover the dried berry among the carnage. He held it close to him and wept over it. His tears, which had magical properties, restored Jesse to his human form.

"Gus? What happened?" Jesse asked.

Gus's tears of grief became tears of joy, flowing more freely than before. He embraced Jesse, which answered all of the boy's questions. Well, not all of them. Jesse still wanted to know what had happened to Walter and why they were sitting in a pile of blood and guts and what the hell that tentacle stuff was, but for the moment he was content. He didn't need to ask Gus if he had ever really cared about him, he could see in his eyes that he did. He never should have believed Walter's lies. He would go back to Los Pollos Hermanos the next day and forget all about that mean old Walter White.

One year later, Jesse had received his degree in social work and had been legally adopted by Gustavo Fring. He used his skills a chicken chef to stop child abuse. Mike invented a machine that could clone pandas so they would never go extinct. Gus still didn't like pandas, but he let Jesse keep one as a pet because he really wanted one. Gus finally finished and published his novel, which actually contained the secret chicken recipe, though it was written in the gnome language that he had invented.

Gus did explain the tentacle porn to Jesse, and the sweet boy did not judge him for it. He also confessed that he killed Walter, but Jesse did not seem surprised. Apparently it was a normal thing for him to have people close to him die because of his friends. The police never found out about what happened to Walt, and his family never bothered to look for him. Everyone figured that he had died in a chemistry accident.

With Walter gone, Gus and Jesse were able to live happily ever after. Their chicken saved thousands of lives and brought joy to millions of people and cured cancer the end.


End file.
